Tag Archives: personal

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

I am not sure as to how many of you have made New Year resolutions in the past, I certainly have. Did you stick to them? Did they work out for you? Invariably they don’t as time goes by they somehow seem to lose their importance to you.

To have a true resolution you have to think about it, and get it sorted in your head before you even start to commit to it. It is like setting an outcome or a milestone in your life – are these outcomes really what you want? How will you maintain your determination to achieve them? What will you do when you have achieved it?

I have heard people say that they wanted to lose some weight, as they want to look good on their beach holiday. They then set themselves a target to aim to lose 14lbs or 6.35kg. They then start to eat better, cut out certain foods, take more exercise. After a week or so they jump on the weighing scales and deflate themselves as they are nowhere near losing those 14lbs. They are setting themselves up for not reaching their goal – as self doubt creeps in and de-motivates them.

If you look at it in another way, 14lbs or 6.35kg is the target, when do they want to achieve that weight loss? Let’s say they start it on 1st of Jan 2017 and I want to be 14lbs/6.35kg lighter by the 30th of June – which is 6 months. So by doing the math 14lb over 6 months is 2.3lb or 1.06kg’s every month. Here in the UK a standard bag of white sugar is 2.2lb or 1kg, to some they will see an image of the bag of sugar and then start to think this task is not achievable.

A change of Mind Set is key at this point:-

Target by Month (6) = 14lbs is 2.2lbs or 1.06kg to lose per month

Target by Weeks (26) = 0.54lbs or 0.24kg to lose per week

Target by Days (181) = 0.08lbs per day or 0.04kg to lose per day

When looked at in this way, it is very achievable.

So by changing your Mind Set around your Outcome – makes your Outcome a very real possibility. 

Have a Great Day

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DEALING WITH STRESS

suspicion
Since my last post on recognising stress. I have been asked if I have any more tips on dealing with stress. Here are a few more of my thoughts, They may not tick the box for all of you reading this. However it might help you to create your own strategy – after all if you ‘own’ the strategy, then you will have more change of success. If these do tick the box for you, then start that change process – NOW!

If you look at my previous blog, the main thrust of it, is that someone has a need to recognise the symptoms that are actually stressed. This in turn will then enable that individual to make two choices. Address the stress or simply get on with it. Remember me saying, that we all need a bit of stress to make us function as Humans, to create and achieve our goals for ourselves and our loved ones.

There are some simple things you can do to de-stress yourself:-

1.) Exercise.
This might take the form of joining a gym. When you do go, work at your own pace, do what you want to do. Be yourself and work to your needs not the people around you. Or simply put on your coat and go for a walk – whatever the weather.

2.) Take a snap shot of your life.
Simply look at some of those things that could be causing your stress. A sudden shift by you will not be sustained, as you will revert back to type in time. A small shift on a regular basis is all you need. Remember that phrase “If you do what you have always done, you will get the same result.” Therefore if you don’t tackle stress – you will still end up feeling stressed.

3.) Me Time.
When do you ever have ‘Me Time’? This is very important as you can give yourself some quality ‘Me Time”. By the very fact you are assigning yourself this time – will give to yourself a huge feel good factor. ‘Me Time’ can simply mean listening to music, going out with friends and/or socialising, or doing a bit of mediation or reading.

4.) Give yourself a Challenge.
You might decide to enrol at College and do a basic language course 1 evening a week. If this challenge is a physical one – this will tick this Challenge Section – the ‘Me Time’ Section and the Exercise Section. A win – win – win.

5.) Accept the things you cannot change.
This might be the most challenging aspect. Some things are completely out of our control, there is nothing we can do about them. So why stress about it? Accept the fact and work with it.

These are just some ideas to ‘kick start’ your thinking. If you want me to help you think through your new way of thinking – simply contact me via this blog.

This is your life – your body – your mind. You owe it to yourself to ‘own it’.

Have a great stress free day.
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MIND OVER MATTER – VERSION 2

Richards Arrows

For those of you who have looked at my post MIND OVER MATTER. Here is a little something extra.

Over the weekend I was clearing some stuff from my loft at the house. I can across an old bag. In this bag were these broken arrows. I had a wonderful memory of how these became broken. The story of which I will share with you now.

We have all heard of the ‘Fire Walks’ or ‘Walk of Trust’ or whatever people call them. This is where you walk across hot coals. I am sure we have all seen this done in various website and you tube clips. These types of things can be very empowering when done in the right way.

There some people who do workshops on this theme. Where they get them to break a piece of wood that is in front of them. The basis of this is, the mind says, that woods too thick, and it essence it is only as strong as you think it is. So, when you go to break the wood you are hitting through it – focussing on what is behind the wood.

I had a similar experience with these arrows. These are wooden arrows, not knowing much about them. All I can tell you is that the name on the side is CAJUN Archery Inc and it says BOW WT. UP TO 35#. They have feather flights with a plastic knock on the end. On the other end they have an aluminium arrow head. The length is around 63 cm or 25 inches. You only use wooden arrows for this.

How I broke this arrow is very strange and interesting. I was asked to think of a current challenge in my life – which I did. I stood face to face with another person. This other person put the end with the plastic knock against a square piece of wood. This was to hold it in place. Then I was then asked to put the other end of the arrow (the aluminium head) against my throat, near to my Adam’s apple. I was asked to walk forward on to this arrow.

Yes – you are reading this right – stepping forward on to this arrow shaft with its arrow head to my throat.

It snapped, thus breaking or exploding the myth or belief around my views on this challenging situation. I was quite stunned as to how quick it broke.

Do you know, when I reflected on the challenge that I did have in my head. It was no longer a challenge at all – it was quite diminished. I faced my fear about being hurt by this arrow and by doing so helped me with my challenge at the time.

I must stress, that this was done in a controlled environment with qualified people. I do not recommend that you do this yourself.

We all have to face things in life; we have to deal with all sorts of ‘stuff’ day in day out. The best way to sort this out is to actually deal with it and not put it off anymore.

Simple Mind over Matter – Do not take my word for it, try it yourself.

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How I Survived Hitting Rock Bottom

Richard - Rock Bottom

Richard – Rock Bottom

I found this on our server today – it was an interview that I did in 2009 after reaching my own ‘rock bottom’. I hope the story gives you some thoughts as to how you can deal with ‘stuff’ and provide a way forward.

As the recession bites, increasing the risk of unemployment and putting greater strain on relationships, one man’s story is proof that there is hope for the future, even when life hits rock bottom.

Within a matter of months, Richard Cockell lost his father, was made redundant from the job he had held for 23 years, split up from his wife and discovered that his mother was suffering from breast cancer, leaving him in despair and virtually penniless.

Depressed and seemingly without a reason to live, he found himself sitting on a rock, staring at the bottom of the ocean with the waves lapping around his legs.

But, remarkably, a seemingly innocuous event prompted a shard of humour to break through his depression and set him on the road back from the brink. And he is now keen to share his story to provide hope for others.
The fall into despair had been quick. Divorce had left him living in the back room at his parents’ home in Wakefield and then, one day, his mum went to the doctors for a routine breast scan and discovered that she had all the signs of breast cancer. She underwent a mastectomy and a month after she came out of hospital Richard’s dad passed away after a long deterioration in his health.

Then the management team announced redundancies at the plant where the father-of-two worked. He said:
“My blood ran cold when I went to the allotted room. ‘Would they really get rid of me after 23 years of service?’. “The answer was ‘yes’. I sat quietly whilst I was told that I was going to lose my job as a buyer. I am normally quite a controlled person and yet, at that point, tears streamed down my face and I couldn’t stop shaking. Afterwards I wasn’t angry or sad. I just felt numb. I was just so stunned at the news.

“When I received the letter that would provide details of my redundancy payment I once again felt stunned as I stared at the figure on the page – £6,079.00 for 23 years service – with no discretionary payment at all.
“So there I was, marriage over, father dead, mother recovering from breast cancer, no job and a cheque for £6,079.00, which mostly went on some outstanding bills from my divorce.

Richard, 55, who now lives in Harrogate, said: “Appropriately, I was sitting on a rock when I hit rock bottom.
“I had gone to a place on the coast which held happy memories and started to reflect on all the stuff that had happened to me.

“And I found myself saying out loud: ‘Well Richard, your dad has died, your mum has had breast cancer, and you’ve no job and nothing in the bank!”

“And I found myself replying: ‘Well Richard, things can’t get any worse!’

“That small drop of humour pulled me round.

“Then out of the corner of my eye I noticed a rock. This rock was round – tan in colour – and was rolling in the surf. It inspired me somehow. I waded into the waves and picked it out of the water and put it in the car.
“I was later to realise that, just as that rock had been shaped by other elements, such as contact with other rocks and the action of the waves, my life had been shaped by other people, others’ needs and others’ expectations. I had been moulded into something that I was not.

“That day on the beach was the beginning of me taking control of my life for the first time.”
Richard was born at his parents’ home in Pinderfields Road, Wakefield, in 1958 and was a pupil at Thornes House Comprehensive, Wakefield.

He spent 23 years working for Linpac Plastics, in Wakefield Road, Featherstone and was married with two children when his life began to go off the rails. But, after hitting rock bottom during the trip to Beaumaris, Anglesey, Richard’s life began to improve. In 2005 he was working as a security officer based at the Emmerdale television set in the grounds of Harewood House.

He was looking for further inspiration when he got hold of a Neuro Linguistic Programming Diploma course leaflet run by a company in Harrogate – it intrigued him.

NLP uses the power of positive thinking and visualisation to improve people’s lives as well as improving businesses’ performance by aiding team work and communication. One Friday night fate played a part in helping to complete Richard’s journey from despair to happiness. Some of the cast and crew went for a drink after work and invited him along as his shift had finished. In the pub, he bumped into the owner of the company whose leaflet he had picked up just a few days earlier – Sonia Saxton, of Saxton Partners Ltd.

Richard said: “I did an NLP diploma and started to make the connections about people and their behaviour and what we do to ourselves in our heads. Out of the blue I thought of my rock. The one I’d retrieved from the sea and that’s when I realized what that moment had meant to me.

“Now, with my learning and new set of NLP tools, I have taken control of me. I shape me and what I do – no-one else.

“I saw how I could change my future. I grasped that future and have moulded it the way I want it. Now, I help other people to get to where they need to be by One-to-One Coaching, and delivering NLP courses.”

And the owner of the company, Sonia Saxton, is the woman he now shares his life with after they fell in love whilst working together. It’s a far cry from the dark days and, with the recession hitting people hard, Richard has some timely advice for people going through tough times, at work and in their personal life.

He said: “Somewhere you will have your own rock. All you need to do is shape your own future and not wait for someone else to shape a future that, after all, belongs to you.

So the moral of the story is – if I can do it, so can you.

FOOTNOTE – Richard is now am Internationally Qualified Coach and Master Practitioner in NLP Coaching and Mentoring. Helping others to reach their true potential at Saxton Partners – Harrogate – UK

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