Tag Archives: hope

MOVING ON IN LIFE AND DEALING WITH CHANGE

Cilla Black

Today we heard about the sad passing of UK celebrity called Cilla Black. A gifted singer, entertainer and TV presenter. Like a lot of public figures we grow up with them, they are doing their thing on the stage, film or whatever. We do our thing – sometimes never the twain shall meet.  

We see these people as they grow older, yet still see them in our mind singing that song or appearing in the movie when they were younger. We forget that we are getting older as well. How many of you have seen someone on the TV and maybe commented how old they are looking. Lets face it that celebrity would say the same thing about us – however we cannot see that we are getting older. Then when it is announced that they have passed away. For some of us there is a sadness – almost a disconnection from them – even though we never met them, yet we felt quite close to them. 

Over the years I have seen some of my favourite film stars, sportsmen and women, academics and the rest who I admired from afar have now gone. This is all the more important when the ones who have passed away have been close to us. There is then a hole in our lives where they once stood, a true sense of loss and maybe a lack of direction. 

This loss or grief is very real as an enforced change has been thrust upon us. Some people deal with this better than others, and, as you know this change can come in many forms. This could be about losing someone close to us, it could also be about a change in the way you work – or don’t work. Throughout our lives we go varying degrees of change. There are many models of change curves or change diagrams. At the time they do not really sit well with us as we are ‘in the moment’ in that place that we feel a sense of numbness.  

I like many of you reading this felt that numbness when I was made redundant. I withdrew into myself, I could not talk to people, I was quite angry – “Why me?” I was very emotional – as though I had been bereaved. This was a sense of loss in a different way. I had lost my way, my direction was not clear – “What do I do now?” They say that time is a good healer, that phrase may work for some people – to me all it means is the pain, anguish and that sense of loss is not as strong, getting slightly weaker in time.

People are very resilient in such situations, some dust themselves down quickly and get on with looking for a new job, or carve out for themselves a new career. Others may take a while longer while they work through their emotions coming to terms with what has happened to them. In my day to day role I help people to find themselves again, I help them regain their sense of purpose – their direction and therefore their motivation.

If you know of someone who needs help while they are going through the own personal change curve – not a change curved devised by some University or study. Then I can help them to move forward. Email me and I will respond with some guidance.

richard@saxtonpartners.co.uk

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Rock Bottom – The Next Chapter

Richards Rock
Now that you have read about how I hit rock bottom. The next chapter is what I did next. When I returned from Beaumaris after sitting on the beach in November, totally numb about my whole situation. I had an old VW Passat. I had a quarter tank of petrol and £10 in my wallet, and, I had to get back home. So I drove the whole way at 30 miles per hour – just to save fuel. If I had driven at normal speed on the motorway – I would not have made it.

A while went by when I decided to give my car a darn good cleaning – top to bottom inside and out. I allocated a whole weekend for this. So I got prepared and did it. When I got to the boot I cleaned the boot carpet and even polished the inside of the boot lid. In a VW Passat there are two little recesses at either side. I removed the bits that had fallen in there and vacuumed it. The vacuum when into overdrive – I wondered why. It was trying to suck up that rock! I had forgotten all about it, as it had rolled out of a bag and fell in the recess – it had been there for a long time.

When I held it up to the sunlight, I just smiled. That is when I realised that this rock was shaped by all sort of forces and had become the shape it was. Again, the thought struck me that I was shaped by other people, other situations – leading a life where it was not me.

When I was running one of my Accredited Diploma Courses in Coaching and Mentoring. I had the notion to tell my Rock Story – so I did. I took this one stage further by giving each person a little round rock of their own before they depart for home. This was my personal present to them – they now had control of this rock, not me. I informed them that they are in charge of that rock – as they are now in charge of themselves. The metaphor here is that they and no-one else, now shapes their future. They can facilitate this with the tools that I had given them on the course. Oh, they may decide to throw it away, put it in their sock draw or put it on their rockery in the garden – the important thing was, it was their choice to do that not mine.

I have still people who still have their rock. In fact I met a lady the other day who said to me “I’ve still got that rock you gave me”. This particular person used to be the MD of a multi million turnover business in the UK. In turn this company was bought by a global player in their field of expertise. She decided to leave and set up her own Global Technical Marketing Organisation. She is doing very well in her new venture, getting clients and imparting her marketing knowledge across the globe.

I am also in contact with another lady who used to have a global role in a German Pharmaceutical Company. She re-shaped herself also when she had her own rock; she gave her old self back to herself. Which is exactly what I did. She subsequently changed to another Global Pharmaceutical Company, and she now runs their Far East Division. She informed me in a recent email that her rock sits on her desk in her office and has pride of place.

For me, when I do something for someone, either Coaching or Mentoring I do not expect anything in return. However, it is lovely when I hear that my Rock Story itself has now gone Global!

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